By Schnitzel Barbequeue (with help from Kay Goodhart)
Call me Schnitzel Barbequeue. This be my story, o’few things you should know, I live in the town o’Neon Yeller, with my best buddy Corn Dog. (no offense to him, but he ain’t the gleamiest tool in the cow barn.) (So to speak.) So here is me: walking down the walk when SUDDENLY I sees Corn Dog playing the banjo, singin’ “I’m a corn dog yes I is…” Huh? Yumpin’ Yalopy! Corn Dog, WHAT be ya doin’? Now this may not surprise most folks but at the last banjo bangup, Corn Dog officially got o-warded The Worst Banjo in the whole o’Neon Yeller. So WHY in the Jumpin’ Jalopy was he playin’ the banjo now? And that’s why I jaloy jumpued. Well Corn Doggie!
Now this be serious beeswax, this be. Corn Dog NEVER be playin’ the banjo. What be I to do?
List o’things be to do:
1. Go home.
2. Grab trench coat and pipe.
3. Go to Corn Dog’s and spy for clues!
I knocked on the Dog’s front door, already preparing a speech for Mrs. Dog… The door opened… I looked at my toes (Mrs. Dog always looks at ya like ya got a bean hangin’ outta yer nose.) So I didn’t notice when Corn Dog hisself opened the door. “Hello Mrs. Dog. I’m here to inform ya that –.” Then I looked up.
Corn Dog be right there in front of me! I blinked. He still be there. I blinked five times. He STILL be there. “Corn Dog! Now ya there but now ya there but now ya there but but but…” I spluttered. Corn Dog just said, “Huh?”
It all clicked! “C’mon, Corn Dog. We have a Pickle butt ta kick!” “Huh?” Ohhh chezits. I had to explain this to a non-genius. “OK Corn Dog. Remember the pickle ya beat at pickle toss?” “Yeah. Schnickle Pickle. Enemy since foist grade.” “Well I just saw you down in the square playin’ the banjo.” “But -.” “I know. Come on.” “OK Schnitzel.”
I dragged Corn Dog ta’ tha’ square where I dragged im inta’ a grocery store, found the spicy salsa beans, dropped ‘em on Corn Dog’s head, got ‘em off, dragged Corn Dog to the checkout, paid, left, ran ta’ th’ party shop, got two straws and two rubber bands, paid, left, quickly constructed two death bean guns, found Schnickle Pickle, alias Corn Dog, aimed and fired. KAPOW!!!
Wow! Two death beans right in the nose holes!
So here’s what happened. Schnickle Pickle, alias Corn Dog dressed up as Corn Dog and played the banjo so bad to make his arch enemy be laughed outta town. Fortunately, WE got in the way. Well, Corn Doggie!
P.S: Death beans don’t actually kill you (usually).
By Julia Poorvu
The bright red sun
Melts into the horizon
Leaving the sky
Like a Colorful bouqueto f roses
Darkens the world
Is the night’s candle
Lighting the dark sky
With a gentle glow
Covers the ground
With a touch
Leaving a fingerprint of dew
On the grass
Peep out of their nest
And the rooster
Wakes the farmer
With a piercing call
Lightens the land
THE TROLL: The Never Heard Norse Myth
By Andrew de Souza
Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess named Sigridr who lived in a grad castle in the East. Her father, the king, thought it was time for her to wed because he was dying and the kingdom needed a new king. So he sent messages throughout the land saying that his daughter was to wed. So, many suitors came from all over the land dreaming of capturing the princess’s heart. There were many handsome men but Sigridr decided that they should do something to prove they were worthy. Finally, after many hours of thinking, she said, “Whoever slays the horrific troll that lives in the mountains may marry me.” All the men got their weapons, and climbed the mountains, searching for Gremon, the troll.
One man, a very handsome man at that, was the brother of Gremon. Many years ago, Gremon was a man but was bestowed with a terrible curse by Loki, the God of mischief. He was then neglected by all and was exiled from his village. He ran to the mountains, where he was never seen again. His brother, Gremus, thought he would do something better than slay his own brother, and decided he should end the curse. So he made his way to Asgard, where the Gods lived. He made a deal with Odin, the Allfather, saying he would work for him if he lifted Gremon’s curse. Odin agreed, by making Gremus work for him for seven years. He lifted the curse, and Gremon, seeing that the curse had been lifted, went down to the castle and told the princess his story. The princess was amazed. She married him, and Gremon became king.
After Gremus finished his work for Odin, he went down to the castle to visit his brother. However, when everyone saw him, there were petrified. He went down to the stream and saw his reflection. Alas! The curse had been bestowed on him! For when the curse was lifted, it needed to find someone for the curse could not be ended, only lifted. Though Gremus didn’t mind, he just went to the Troll village, and he lived among them.
Trolls became the world’s most dangerous beings, and war began. Meanwhile, Gremon forged alliances with many other kingdoms and asked their kings if they would battle the trolls. King Ragnvaldr (meaning “wise ruler”), the wisest of the kings that came to discuss the war with Gremon, thought that Sigridr (now the Queen) was mad, letting her husband fight against his own brother. However, Gremon didn’t know about the little incident with his brother. He thought his brother was in
Gremon stared wide-eyed at Ragnvaldr. He was terrified for he had no idea how his curse had been lifted. He looked at the Queen, his wife, in bewilderment. Though Sigridr had no idea either. Ragnvaldr decided he would not fight with someone who had betrayed the Gods and departed. However, the three kings that did not care about Ragnvaldr’s words and stayed at the castle were Kings Gunnarr, Bergthor (meaning “spirit of Thor”),and Eirikr (meaning “ever ruler”). They knew Gremus and what had happened to him. They told Gremon and explained to him how once a Troll is a Troll long enough, he (or she) will remain a Troll and forget about love, family and efforts. Gremus forgot that he was a man, and that is why he hadn’t stopped the war.
Gremon stared out the windowin anger. He decided that the war would go on. He gathered troops of the bravest warriors and headed toward the battlefield where the Trolls were waiting impatiently for them. Loki, who was furious at what his father (Odin) had done, came down to the battle and recognized Gremom. He dressed himself in armor and ran toward Gremon, hoping to make him a Troll once again. Gremon however, had been warned by Odin in his dreams what Loki would do. He then turned around, took his sword, and plunged it through Loki’s stomach. The God felt no pain, but knew he was defeated and swirled into ash, returning to Asgard. Sigridr left the castle looking for Gremus. She made her way into enemy camps, without weapons. She was taken to Gremus’s tent, and Gremus picked up his sword. He held it at her throat.
“Gremus! Please!” said Sigridr in fright. “You were man! Please remember!”
Suddenly Gremus felt almost…HUMAN. He took Sigridr and ran from the camps, taking her to the mountains, where they lived during the battle. Although Gremon was human now, he started to look more and more like a Troll, and Gremus just the opposite. Gremon could not be controlled, and soon he became mad. He caused mayhem all through the kingdom. Soon Gremus came down from the mountains with Sigridr and spotted his brother. Gremus knew that there was only one way to end this terror. He picked up his sword and slew his brother. The dead man turned into a dead Troll, and the live Troll turned into a live man.
A messenger came up behind Gremus carrying a letter.He handed it to Gremus,
and Gremus took it and soon saw it was a letter from his father.He read it, then crumbledit up, saying,”I am not a Troll.If that’s what you think I am,then so be it.”Gremus’s father was dead and gone.Loki had given up.Gremus stopped worrying about the curse
Gremus became king and married Sigridr.The trolls fled and destroyed their village.The kingdom wasn’t facing any major battles, and the people were no longer in fear.One day, while Gremus was out hunting with his friends,he noticed a boy Troll coming toward him.The guard noticed as well and raised his bow,but Gremus signaled it down.He went toward the boy and asked,”What is thy name?”
“Asbjorn*, sir,” the Troll replied quietly.
“Well, Asbjorn, do you wish to wage war on us again?” Gremus asked , smiling.
“Oh NO, sir! I was looking for water.”
Gremus took the boy to the stream where the boy drank.Then he let the boy go.
He watched the Troll run toward the West until he looked no more than a little speck in the air.On the way back to the castle , Gremus kept thinking one thing:GREMON.He knew the Troll was his brother in the next life.And he loved it.
*meaning “Divine Bear”
A REMINDER OF WHAT WE HAVE LOST
By Margaret Shea
Used to be life,
A thing that shall speak no longer.
Used to be life,
The world will never grow brighter.
No hand by my side,
No comforting touch,
No stilling hand,
On my shaking shoulder.
Is there anyone?
Anyone, who knows my sorrow?
In seeing a loved one lost?
It doesn’t matter if you say
“Passed on” or “ In a better place”
Each phrase is just as painful and bitter
When she dies,
A history dies.
Not only is it death of mankind,
It is death of
Each small tiny death,
A light goes out.
A piece of the world dies.
Try to pull me into a hug.
What do they know?
What do they know?
They don’t know my pain,
Or my sorrow.
My hands fumble
In my pockets,
I suddenly can not see,
From the blurring in my eyes.
The tears start coming
Like rain pouring down.
Of what we have lost.